scared to start

I’d love to start and say, Welcome to MAP2 Hold A Space, a capstone project where I share my own creative self-reflection and how it’s helped hold a space for my well-being and healing. I really mean this, and at the same time, I sort of lose my mind when I try to phrase this or even verbalize it.

You’ll find so many different things here. It’s not only about my own original songs and how impactful they were for me growing up, it’s also about how humans can all feel, and there is sense of collectiveness. Through sharing our stories, our woes, our joys, and reading each other’s stories, there’s a sense of connection. My honest hope for this project is that it holds a space for creative self-expression, community and healing. I hope that through my own blog and journey that others will join along in whatever way is comfortable for them.

I’m scared to start. There are many parts of me going into this project. The starting point has been warping around as I challenge a specific narrative in me: you need to know everything right now and it needs to look perfect right now.

How do I present myself? This is the deeper understanding I have with my hesitation and the thought to thought expansion I have. If the main message of my project is to share my creative process and encourage others to reflect through it and start their own, then I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be well-branded, or have a mission statement. There is a part of me that wants it or needs it. I’m not sure, the intensity of those words are on different spectrums. It makes me laugh or scoff almost, I want to present myself almost like a real content creator, or with well marketing right off from the bat, while trying to embark on a creative process journey that doesn’t require any perfection.

To hold a space, is to bring soft and gentle compassion into awareness, ask yourself where are you at and what do you need. Creative self-expression and creative arts have helped me hold a space for well-being and healing. As I write right now, I free-write this blog to start. It holds a space for the restless feeling I have about the structure and how I want to begin.

It’s scary to start. I’m not entirely sure of what all the working pieces of this will be. And this is me holding a space, I’ve been overthinking and considering all these options to the point where I felt stuck. What do I need? I just need to reassure and begin.

This is MAP2 Hold A Space, my own personal journey of creative self-expression and how it helps me hold a space for my well-being and healing.